READING COMPREHENSION

READING FOR FUN

Now that it is holiday time, reading can be a wonderful source of fun, learning and entertainment. This link will take you to a long list of titles to choose from. I am sure you will find something to your taste. You can read all of these online.Good reading!

http://www.pagebypagebooks.com/title.html

 

HOLIDAY READING

              

On holidays, feeling bored and nothing to do? Resist the temptation to sit down and spend all your time chatting online!Think about reading something interesting and/or useful. There are so many online reading sites. It’s just a question of looking around and finding what is offered. You’ll learn, expand your horizons, practise and learn more English at the same time!

Here is a selection of sites you could visit.

 

http://www.freeonlinereading.com/links.htm

http://www.readbookonline.net/

http://www.onlinenovels.net/

http://aghostwriter.com/

http://aghostwriter.com/

http://www.pagebypagebooks.com/

 

 

WRITING A REVIEW

 

Here are some useful links relatd to review writing which may help you in the near future.

http://teacher.scholastic.com/writewit/bookrev/tips.htm

http://www.homeworkspot.com/features/bookreports.htm

http://www.lkwdpl.org/study/bookrep/

 

NEW YORK TIMES QUIZ OF THE DAY

Click on the following. This is really great for your reading comprehension skills.

http://www.nytimes.com/learning/students/quiz/index.html

 

INTERACTIVE FUN

 

Investigate these sites. I’m sure you’ll have a great time!

http://www.cut-the-knot.org/

http://www.clickmazes.com/

http://www.vtaide.com/png/puzzles.htm

http://www.jigzone.com/

 

 

 

SHORT STORIES

 

If you click on the below links, you’ll find several very interesting short stories to read and enjoy in your free time. You can read them online. If you prefer, look at the bar above, and choose fiction or nonfiction, poetry, plays(drama) or classical works of literature.

http://www.classicreader.com/browse/6/

http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/childrenindex.html

http://www.classicshorts.com/

http://www.americanliterature.com/ss/ssindx.html

http://www.britishcouncil.org/kids-stories-short.htm

http://www.englishclub.com/reading/short-stories.htm

Have fun!

 

RIDDLES

1. What goes up and down stairs without moving?
2. Give it food and it will live; give it water and it will die.
3. What can you catch but not throw?
4. I run, yet I have no legs. What am I?
5. Take one out and scratch my head, I am now black but once was red.
6. Remove the outside, cook the inside, eat the outside, throw away the inside.
7. What goes around the world and stays in a corner?
8. What gets wetter the more it dries?
9. The more there is, the less you see.
10. They come at night without being called and are lost in the day without being stolen.

 

 

Answers

 

 

 

1.   A carpet
2.   Fire
3.   A cold
4.   A nose
5.   A match
6.   Corn
7.   A stamp
8.   A towel
9.   Darkness
10. A towel

READING COMPREHENSION - IGUANA FARMING

Click on the following link to learn about a type of alternative farming and then do a comprehension exercise to see if you understood what it is about. Listen to the article as you read it.

 

http://www.britishcouncil.org/learnenglish-central-magazine-iguana-farming.htm

Good  luck !!!

 

 

 

SHORT STORIES

Short stories are wonderful ways of learning more of a language, without stressing you with the need to get through a whole novel.

Here are some links that you can use to find interesting material.

http://www.classicshorts.com/

http://www.americanliterature.com/ss/ssindx.html

http://www.indianchild.com/short_stories.htm

http://www.bibliomania.com/0/5/frameset.html

 

 

 

 

TEACHER: What are you writing? PUPIL: A letter to myself. TEACHER: What does it say? PUPIL: I don’t know. I won’t get it till tomorrow.

TEACHER: Where is your pencil, Harry? PUPIL: I ain’t got none. TEACHER: How many times have I told you not to say that, Harry? Now listen: I do not have a pencil. You do not have a pencil. They do not have a pencil. Now, do you understand? PUPIL: Not really. What happened to all the pencils?

TEACHER: Want to hear the story about the broken pencil? PUPIL: No, thanks, I’m sure it has no point.

TEACHER: Why do they say the pen is mightier than the sword? PUPIL: Because no one has yet invented a ballpoint sword.

TEACHER: Dorothy, what did you write your report on? PUPIL: A piece of paper.

Fred did a report about the phone book. He wrote: "This book hasn’t got much of a plot, but boy, what a cast!"

Mrs. Reynolds  asked the class to write a composition about what they would do if they had a million dollars. Everyone except Mary  began to write. Mary  twiddled her thumbs and looked out the window. When Mrs. Reynolds  collected the papers, Mary’s sheet was blank. "Mary ," said Mrs. Johnson, "everyone has written two pages or more, but you’ve done nothing. Why is that?" "Nothing is what I’d do," replied Mary , "if I had a million dollars."

TEACHER : Joe , your ideas are like diamonds. FRED: You mean they’re so valuable? TEACHER: No, I mean they’re so rare.

TEACHER: Carl , the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother’s. CARL: Of course. It’s the same dog.

TEACHER: Your poem is the worst in the class. It’s not only ungrammatical, it’s rude and in bad taste. I’m going to send your father a note about it. PUPIL: I don’t think that would help, teacher. He wrote it.

HILARIOUS STORIES

This should make you laugh!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where
they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida
on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally
left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his
error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email
expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the
first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the
room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which
read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now
and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

..................................................................................

Some more shorties:

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT & T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!  A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I’ll shoot," the man shouted, "That’s not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo?!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE’ Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a near by marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE! Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.’’ :-)

TIME FOR LAUGHS

How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Choke it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "Gee, it's hot in here." and the other sausage says "OH MY GOODNESS IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts to do it

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk

Why do they put bells on cows? Because their horns don't work!

 

 

THE GREAT ENGLISH DIVIDE

This very interesting article is about all the advantages that English offers to those who learn to use it well.

I would recommend reading it. Although it is not very short, it gives you a lot of useful information!

 

The Great English Divide

In Europe, speaking the lingua franca separates the haves from the have-nots

Antonio Sanz might as well have won the lottery. In 1965, when the small, curly-haired Spaniard was 10, an American professor asked his parents if she might take the boy to the U.S. and enroll him in public school. They agreed. America seemed to offer a brighter future than the dairy farms where his father worked in the foothills north of Madrid. Sanz left, but came back to Spain every summer with stories from Philadelphia and boxes of New World artifacts: Super Balls, baseball cards, and Bob Dylan records.

His real prize, though, was English. Sanz learned fast, and by senior year he outscored most of his honors English classmates in the verbal section of the Scholastic Aptitude Test. In those days, back in his hometown of Colmenar Viejo, English seemed so exotic that kids would stop him on the street and ask him to say a few sentences. By the time he graduated from Hamilton College in Clinton, N.Y., and moved back to Spain, American companies there were nearly as excited. He landed in Procter & Gamble Co.

Sanz, now 46 and a father of three, employs his Philadelphia English as an executive at Vodafone PLC in Madrid. But something funny has happened to his second language. These days, English is no longer special, or odd, or even foreign. In Paris, Düsseldorf, Madrid, and even in the streets of Colmenar Viejo, English has put down roots. "What else can we all speak?" Sanz asks.

BASIC TOOL. No surprise there. English is firmly entrenched nearly everywhere as the international language of business, finance, and technology. But in Europe, it's spreading far beyond the elites. Indeed, English is becoming the binding agent of a continent, linking Finns to French and Portuguese as they move toward political and economic unification. A common language is crucial, says Tito Boeri, a business professor at Bocconi University in Milan, "to take advantage of Europe's integrated labor market."

English, in short, is Europe's language. And while some adults are slow to embrace this, it's clear as day for European children. "If I want to speak to a French person, I have to speak in English," says Ivo Rowekamp, an 11-year-old in Heidelberg, Germany.

The implications for business are enormous. It's no longer just top execs who need to speak English. Everyone in the corporate food chain is feeling the pressure to learn a common tongue as companies globalize and democratize. These days in formerly national companies such as Renault and BMW, managers, engineers, even leading blue-collar workers are constantly calling and e-mailing colleagues and customers in Europe, the U.S., and Japan. The language usually is English, an industrial tool now as basic as the screwdriver.

But there's one fly in the ointment. While English is fast becoming a prereq for landing a good job in Europe, only 41% of the people on the Continent speak it--and only 29% speak it well enough to carry on a conversation, according to a European Commission report. The result is an English gap, one that divides Europe's haves from its have-nots. In the 19th and 20th centuries, Europeans brought peasants into the workforce by teaching them to read and write the national language. These days, the equivalent challenge is to master Europe's international language. Those that fail--countries, companies, and individuals alike--risk falling far behind.

How much is English worth? In jobs from offices to the factory floor, recruiters say that workers who speak English often command salaries 25% to 35% above those who don't. More important, they can aspire to a host of higher-level jobs that are off-limits to monolinguists. "English is an imperative," says Didier Vuchot, chairman of recruiter Korn/Ferry International in Europe.

A generation ago, this wasn't the case. Most European companies did the bulk of their business at home. They maintained only a small phalanx of English-speaking "international experts" to deal with bankers in London and machine shops in Chicago. Ambitious anglophones such as Antonio Sanz often landed at American multinationals. "I was with a bunch of aristocrats at Procter," Sanz recalls. "In Spain, they were the ones who spoke English."

That was when Europe boasted only a handful of multinational corporations. Now there are hundreds. When European governments freed up their economies during the 1980s and '90s, a host of newly private companies burst onto the scene. As they pushed for growth, giants such as Deutsche Telekom and France's Alcatel spread across borders in a frenzy of mergers and acquisitions. Suppliers followed them into foreign markets. In most of these companies, managers who didn't know English soon found themselves confined to sleepy domestic operations. Their English-chattering colleagues, by contrast, flew the globe and advanced.

The need for a lingua franca is most pressing for global technology players. "We need a common language," says Alcatel CEO Serge Tchuruk. "There aren't many choices." So in the early '90s, Alcatel and Finland's Nokia embraced English as the corporate language. In Europe, where the Germans and French have long battled for supremacy, English also makes political sense: It's the closest thing to linguistic neutral territory. When France's Rhone Poulenc and Germany's Hoechst joined forces to found Aventis two years ago, they set up headquarters in the border city of Strasbourg. And they further defused cultural tensions by adapting English as the company language.

The other European languages are hardly dying, of course, and British and American managers working in Europe would do well to pick up bilingual skills. But new forces, including the Internet, are pushing Europe toward a common language. Take KPNQwest, the pan-European phone company based in the Netherlands. There, all e-mail must be written in English, even communiqués between German engineers. Why? CEO John A. McMaster sees e-mail as strings of communication that often spread through the corporate system. "If you shift the language from Spanish to German to Italian, you leave out lots of people," he says.

As companies like KPNQwest cross one border after another, companies across the Continent are doubling as language schools. At Germany's gas and water utility, RWE, fully 30% of the employees are busy studying English--a necessity for advancement in a company that operates in more than 100 countries. At Ravensburger, a German game-maker, human-resources officials used to conduct interviews in German. Now, they need English to interview applicants in Poland or Britain, says Martin Hurtha, personnel chief. Europeans who don't know English, says Lorenzo Targetti, CEO of Targetti Sankey, an Italian lighting company, are "running a marathon in house shoes."

More and more, even the rank and file must know English--or risk missing out on vital job opportunities. For example, 1 1/2 years ago the Dutch cable company United Pan-European Communications was building a $20 million TV studio in Amsterdam. This job required scores of electricians, far more than UPC could find in the Netherlands. Only a two-hour train ride south of Amsterdam, however, in the rust belt of French-speaking Belgium and northern France, plenty of electricians were available. But the Dutch and American managers at UPC wanted everyone at the project to speak and understand the same language. So UPC flew in a platoon of electricians from Britain, put them up in hotels during the week, and sent them home every weekend.

Across all sectors and ranks, non-English-speakers face a harder hunt for fewer and poorer jobs. Many of the leading employers in Europe, including Vivendi Universal and CAP Gemini rarely even consider job applicants without English. Secretaries who lack English can expect to make 30% less--if they're lucky enough to find a job, says temporary-work agency Manpower Inc. And for headhunters such as Sarah Mulhern of Spencer Stuart in Paris, English is not a option anymore: "It's a requirement." She recalls working with one French technical whiz who didn't know English. She landed him a job at Excite--but only after he had completed an intensive language course.

True, line workers in many manufacturing plants can still get by in their native language. But workers who want to advance find themselves back at school--learning English. At DaimlerChrysler, workers seeking a promotion to team leader on the shop floor take English classes after hours. Even union representatives duck into English classrooms at the company's Unterturkheim plant. Says one union official at the plant: "We need it to speak to union officials in America."

Europe's English divide closely mirrors its economy. The wealthy parts--Sweden, the Netherlands, western Germany, and cosmopolitan cities such as Paris and Milan--are also rich in English, and getting richer. English-poor regions, from the Mediterranean to Eastern Europe, lose out on foreign investment and jobs. Only 5% to 10% of the workforce at Italian banks speaks good English, estimates Michele Appendino, co-founder of European venture fund Net Partners. If those banks merge with German or French banks, as expected, the common language will likely be English. Those who don't speak it risk becoming foreigners in their own banks--if they're lucky enough to hold on to their jobs.

For the flip side, look no further than Ireland. It has enjoyed job growth averaging 5% a year since the mid-'90s, with many of the new employment resulting from U.S. investments. Ireland's greatest advantage? Its young, English-speaking workforce, says Aidan Brady, CEO of Citigroup in Dublin, is the main reason Citigroup put down roots there.

"GONERS." The pressure to be an anglophone has resulted in a bonanza for English-language schools. Barcelona's Wall Street Institute, for example, has opened 35 new language centers throughout Europe in the past 1 1/2 years, making a total of roughly 300 schools across the Continent. Students pay an average of $1,400 for 120 hours of courses. "They've realized that they're goners if they don't take English classes," says Wall Street Institute Paris President Natanael Wright. European governments are also pitching in. In France, Italy, and Spain, political leaders are pushing to introduce their nations' children to English at earlier ages. Nearly 300,000 Spaniards are piling into state language schools this year.

But teaching English to the whole Continent is no easy task. Teachers are scarce: Their English often provides them with more lucrative opportunities than teaching in a public school. "All our English teachers are getting swallowed up by DaimlerChrysler," complains one school administrator near the company's Stuttgart headquarters. When they don't have the chance to learn English in the classroom, high school graduates from Europe's south and east flock to Britain and Ireland to wait tables and learn English on the cheap.

FRENCH FARCE. A rearguard action is being fought against the English advance. When French Defense Minister Alain Richard approved English as the common language of a joint French-German army battalion, Le Figaro dubbed him "the gravedigger" of the French language. In Brussels, the European Commission is bending over backwards to avoid the impression that it favors English, even as English establishes itself as the de facto language of the EC. Its current effort, known as Europe's Year of Languages, pushes English as one of 11 languages, no more important than Greek or Finnish.

Europe's leaders, of course, know how vital English is: Just like CEOs and software engineers, they need it to talk to each other. Politicians such as Spanish Prime Minister José Maria Aznar and Italy's Silvio Berlusconi, who both require interpreters, miss out on English-language dinner chatter and one-to-one schmoozing at Euro-gatherings. One Italian language school, International House, offers English lessons by phone to politicians on the run.

The English divide is age-related, too. According to a European Union study, 67% of Europeans between 15 and 24 say they can speak English, compared with only 18% of those over 55. Thus Europe's relentless drive for English empowers kids around the Continent, wreaking havoc with hierarchies in companies and families alike. Take a look at the families of Spaniards and Italians visiting Paris: The English-speaking children appear to be in charge, ordering food in English for their parents, and arranging early-morning taxis to the airport.

But what's amusing in families is dead serious in the work-place. Thirty-nine-year-old Nadine Koulecheff, a high school graduate in Paris, saw in the late '90s that one answering machine could put an end to her career as a receptionist. She spent three months in a 40-hour-per-week English class associated with France's National Employment Office. At the end, she successfully interviewed in English for a secretarial job at a medical laboratory. "My English got me the job," she says. She uses it every day--mostly to talk to her Italian boss.

That's the Europe that's taking shape. For the ever-growing masses of English speakers, basic communication is now a breeze. The Babel of old hardly interferes, and instead adds richness and texture to life in Europe. But for those on the other side of the Great Divide, Europe's unification--its opportunities and pitfalls alike--is still shrouded in mystery. The operating instructions for Europe, it's now clear, are written in English.

By Stephen Baker and Inka Resch in Paris, with Kate Carlisle in Rome and Katharine A. Schmidt in Stuttgart

HEAVEN OR HELL?

Once upon a time there was a lawyer who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for.  In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation.  One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died.  Her soul arrived in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

 "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.  "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem.  You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a lawyer make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the lawyer.  "Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven."

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the lawyer in an elevator and it went down-down-down to Hell.  The doors opened and the lawyer found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.  In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends--fellow lawyers that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times.

They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.  She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.  The lawyer was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.  "Now it’s time to spend a day in Heaven."  So the lawyer spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing.  She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.  "So, you’ve spent a day in Hell and you’ve spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."  The lawyer paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the lawyer went down-down-down back to Hell.  When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.  She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.  The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.  "I don’t understand," stammered the lawyer.  "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time.  Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled.  "That’s because yesterday you were a recruit, but today you’re an associate

Short Jokes

What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hyena?
A huge laugh.

SMILE, PLEASE

A: I’m in  big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don’t have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can’t afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don’t have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don’t have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don’t have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

************************************************************

 

A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don’t know. I’m a stranger here myself."

************************************************************

 

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what’s the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn’t like her."

***********************************************************

 

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!

************************************************************

 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put ’is’ after an "I". Always put ’am’ after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

************************************************************

 

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!"

************************************************************

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I’ll give you both of them!"

************************************************************

RIDDLES

Try to guess the answer. If you can't, place the cursor over the question and the answer will appear.

What do you call a kitten drinking lemonade?

Why did King Kong climb to the top of the Empire State building?

What do you call a fish without an eye?

What vehicle is spelled the same backwards and forwards

What do sea monsters eat?

Why was the baby ant confused?

What month has 28 days?

What gets wetter the more it dries?

What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

What is in the middle of Paris?

 

 

 

 

 

NO WONDER ENGLISH IS SO HARD TO LEARN!

We polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. A farm can produce produce. The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. The present is a good time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. The dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. The insurance for the invalid was invalid. The bandage was wound around the wound. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number and number.  I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

EXERCISES IN READING IN ENGLISH

http://www.eslus.com/LESSONS/READING/READ.HTM

http://www.tea.state.tx.us/student.assessment/resources/online/2003/grade3/read.htm

 

DREAMS

 

 

Anyone can dream. We can all dream and it is free. Dreams are what make the world move ahead. Here are some inspiring quotations about dreams I would like to share with you.

You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however. Richard Bach

Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.  John Updike

All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them.  Walt Disney

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.  Eleanor Roosevelt

You can't just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream. You've got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.  Diana Ross

If you can DREAM it, you can DO it. Walt Disney

The most pitiful among men is he who turns his dreams into silver and gold. Kalil Gibran

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one. John Lennon

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

There is nothing like a dream to create the future. Victor Hugo