SHAGGY DOG STORIES

A shaggy dog story is a an extremely long-winded (extensive) tale, which contains a lot of irrelevant information or incidents, and which ends in an unexpected or absurd final line. Here are some examples of well-known shaggy dog stories.

The Pig

Looking over a farmyard wall I saw a huge pig with a wooden leg. Intrigued I sought out the farmer and said "I have just seen your pig with a wooden leg, it must mean a lot to you to have gone to the lengths of fitting it with an artificial limb".

"Oh yes" said the farmer, "it's a special pig. A few months ago my son fell into the pond and that pig dived straight in and pulled him out with its teeth".

"Well" said I "that really is something".

"That's not all" said the farmer "a month ago the house caught fire and that pig grunted real loud to wake us up, barged the door down and ran upstairs. My daughter was unconscious from the smoke and he grabbed her nightdress with his teeth and dragged her out. Saved us all did that pig".

"That really is marvellous" I said.

"Oh there's more" said the farmer, "two weeks ago my herd of sheep got out and strayed onto the main road. That pig rushed out and rounded them up like a sheep dog, brought them home and saved the flock, it really is a superb pig".

"That really is amazing" I said "but why has it got a wooden leg"?

"Oh well", said the farmer "when you've a pig like that you can't eat it all at once"!

 

Four Brothers

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600." The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read it anymore because she can't see very well. I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty priests 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

 

Moral Tale

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "